Cream Cheese Is the Hype


This evening Cream Cheese played Tomatoes!!! and lost. They confirmed captain Hunt Clark’s assertion that his team is “meant for a bagel.” In fact, Cream Cheese just made NYC proud. This is the biggest bagel we’ve ever seen. Cream Cheese has now lost 12 in a row (to start the season!). We’ve never seen worse than that. Jake Hall and Eric Kuo can rest easy. Their ten-loss streaks in Fall12 and Sm10, respectively, are ancient history.

Actually, that Fall12 team included KitKat’s co-captain Kevin Hsu, a PoopStar through and through. And on June 29 of this summer, when Cream Cheese was 0-10, Hsu faced off against the Cheese with a chance to win and get out from beneath that worst-ever shell. Here’s what he had to say about the game.

“History was made last night. Cream Cheese tried their hardest to avoid the schmearing of their name in the annals of MUD. SmileCrab PoopStars alums can rejoice, as they will now only be remembered for their unique, emoji-inspired team name.

“Kit Kat had an embarrassment of riches, starting the game with 13 men and 5 women to Cream Cheese’s 7 men and 0 women. In an effort to play a real game, KK lent two of their women to CC, even with the knowledge that history could be made and a PoopStarred stain could be lifted from one of their captains’ past.

“KK took half at 8 to 4, with CC looking gassed. The tide certainly changed after half though, as KK was generous once again, this time with multiple drops and throwaways.

“CC knifed through the KK lines, taking the lead at 9 to 8 with lots of short quick throws through their handler-heavy line. KK scored the next three, making it 11 to 9. Then a cocky Sean Petterson attempted to teapot a wide-open hammer from his captain in the end zone. Emotionally devastated by the drop, KK allowed CC to tie the score up at a very KitKat bar-like 11 to 11.

“With the cap now on, KitKat broke off two pieces and took the game, 13 to 11. Game of the week, indeed.”