Weeks 3-8: Wizards, Witches, Tricks, and Licks
19 May | Mudwarts League of Handlers and Cutters
Bob Suvanich Doubles His Gold
27 April | Centurions Club
Gryffindor Bob Suvanich has put himself in rarefied company. He successfully cast a spell that only three others have ever succeeded in producing. And those three are literally our founding fathers. On Thursday, Bob collected his 200th win. And the school went wild.
Bob is a beloved figure who has played 25 seasons and captained eight teams (three of them incorporated his name out of obvious reverence). He became a Double Centurion in 393 games. And on top of that he’s won three titles in seven finals’ appearances. Of course, now that Bob’s name will be known throughout the magical and ultimate worlds for this accomplishment, the rest of us can say we knew him back when he was just that guy that Heff baggaged.
Andy Eklund Graduates At Long Last
18 April | Centurions Club
All the owls this Tuesday were aflutter with the news. MUD’s madcap mercenary Andy Eklund finally got his 100th win with his new house Hufflepuff. The headmasters were the most stupefied. Headmaster Suntaree was overheard muttering, “Eklund? Impossible.”
It took Andy 242 games to get 100 wins, which, surprisingly, is not the slowest to 100, barely. Andy has played 18 seasons and captained six times. But to be clear, he was twice “held back” due to “stunning negligence and impetuous selfishness.” He’s MUD’s menace because twice he was slated to captain and after a couple weeks he abdicated and abandoned his teams. Those teams’ records were disappeared from his transcript, so he’s actually in his 16th season now.
Nonetheless, he’s a Centurion now. And Andy can put that golden key on his mantle next to his one championship trophy. That one win came way back in Sum11. Of other bittersweet note, Andy should know his Game of the Week column of Sp13, Sum13, and Sp14 is greatly missed. Surely he still remembers how to conjure that up.
Albert Wu Summons 100 Wins
9 April | Centurions Club
With patience and concentration, Albert Wu produced the Centurion charm on Sunday. It took the Slytherin handler 181 attempts to do it 100 times. And he’s been at it on 12 different teams. The Centurions were so impressed with Albert’s performance that right then and there they gave Albert his new robes and his key to the club’s headquarters (which may be beneath a marked floorboard in the Northeast tower or through an enchanted bush on the edge of the southern lawn). This expedited welcoming might have something to do with the fact that Albert has four league championships in six finals’ appearances. His most recent was this past fall. The Centurion Council conceded that “it’s quite rare these days that we receive such a qualified candidate.” Perhaps 100 wins isn’t what is used to be.
Week 2: Short Games Transfigure Leaderboard
3 April | Mudwarts League of Handlers and Cutters
On Sunday, the league headmasters opened the chamber of secrets and found a basilisk had eaten the bottom half of the permit! Not really. B-teams for Quidditch–a real sport–had practice on the fields at 3pm, so our games had to be shortened.
This meant Ravenclaw, who so far has started their games strong and then let teams back in, had a tactical advantage. Sure enough, both Gryffindor and Slytherin, respectively, battled back to within one against Ravenclaw. But then the bell rang, and Ravenclaw went and drank all the butter beer at the WW Club. They also celebrated the first league trick of the season, though those are reasonably-priced in this skinny spring. Ravenclaw is now in first place.
Hufflepuff upgraded their Club experience in week two, bouncing back and evening their record. They dug a massive hole in their first game against Slytherin, and buried the snake in it. After Slytherin broke to start the game, Hufflepuff scored the next nine. They won it 14 to 9. Hufflepuff may have found a motto in “hard work, team work” as they applied both in their second game to hold out against Gryffindor. The badgers kept wiz-kid John Best bottled up, and fired-up their own new guy Dean Romine. The result was 12 to 11.
Gryffindor took the wrong set of stairs this weekend and ended up at the LL Club. Slytherin was there practicing dark arts in the corner. It seems one of the snakes thought they could reverse the league-licking curse. Fat chance. Those two teams play each other first thing this coming Sunday. Let’s hope they both drafted a Herbology prodigy because the losers are going to need to apply ointment.
Week 1: Quidditch Cuts Find League of Their Own
27 March | Mudwarts League of Handlers and Cutters
In a surprising but tenacious move, the numerous participants cut from Quidditch tryouts on Tuesday the 21st have conjured up an alternative athletic outlet. Deemed “too inexperienced” or “not capable enough [on broomsticks],” these 86 wannabes pooled their powers and, with a flick of their wrists, summoned forth a new and different league. Believe it or not, they’re playing ultimate.
The team from Gryffindor got off to the best start. They put up with Hufflepuff’s badgering, winning 15 to 7, and then they stamped out Slytherin’s smaller sideline, 15 to 10. A week-one trip to the WW Club divines a starry future for Jason Freedman‘s sophomore leadership effort. First-time prefect Emily Marren co-heads the team with Freedman, and so far Gryffindor is red hot.
Ravenclaw’s flock, co-run by eight-time head-boy Sean Petterson and six-time head-girl Josie Pratt, barely lost and then barely won. In the first match, Ravenclaw slipped on Slytherin’s comeback, losing on universe point. However, Ravenclaw fended off Hufflepuff’s late-game surge in their second bout and won, 15 to 13.
Slytherin went 1 and 1, but its a two-headed snake this season: Emily Grad is head of house again for the third time, and she’s joined by Potions Master Emeritus Mateo Mead, who has held 27 administrative roles in the school. We all know EGrad is an ace student, but Prof. Mead has never taken on a co-director. What’s gotten into the old man? Perhaps he drank one of his potions. Or she did? Wouldn’t put it past Slytherin to use any means to achieve their ends.
Hufflepuff licked its wounds at the LL Club, while one of them looked around for the sorcerer’s stone. Hufflepuff has the other sophomore/freshman-captain combination in Christine Thompson and Jacob Anderson. With the dedication of those two, their bound to rebound. Any good Hufflepuff knows it’s better to get your goofs out on the first day.
Spring Goes Tiny, Tough, but still full of magic
24 March | Ministry of Ultimate Discs
This spring, The Mudwarts School of Handlers and Cutters is casting four teams onto the fields for an ultra-competitive league. It’s been a spell since we’ve seen each other, so you should know we’re a 4/3 league now. Prepare to spend the season haunted by good spirit. Trade your wand for a pair of cleats (and turf shoes starting week 3), and join your squad on Sunday. Who needs flying broomsticks? MUD is back!
Summer 2017, Spring 2017
Fall 2016, Summer 2016, Spring 2016
Fall 2015, Summer 2015, Spring 2015
Fall 2014, Summer 2014, Spring 2014
Fall 2013, Summer 2013, Spring 2013
Fall 2012